Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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