I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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