Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
