Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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