What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize