eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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