? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
