i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
