evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
