Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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