Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
