I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
