i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
