Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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