Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
