so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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