You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
