My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
