The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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