come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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