I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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