So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
