is your mom at the bar?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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