I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
