Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
