It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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