Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
