Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Randomize