She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
