I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
