i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
