Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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