May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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