So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
