Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
