You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
