So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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