allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
