It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
