My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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