You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize