Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Even my vagina gasped.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
