I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
