Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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