do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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