Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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