Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize