i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize