Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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