how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
