Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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