I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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