Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
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