they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
