Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
