It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he was CRYING into my vagina
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
