do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
