I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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