i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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