he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
