Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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