8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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