what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
