We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize