people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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