i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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